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Once this would have meant tumbling into bed for a passionate reunion. Now it means waiting for the children age seven to 17 to be in bed, the dishwasher to be loaded and the dogs to be let out. The enemy of hot middle-aged sex is exhaustion. Six hours later, our reunion sex is magnificent, frenzied and explosive. Second round also wonderful, though slightly postponed when my discussion of school dinner versus packed lunch rather deflates his excitement.

Must keep family admin out of the bedroom. Long lovely massage and endless pleasure. I go to sleep content. We argue about leaving dirty plates in the sink. The second enemy of hot middle-aged sex is mundane domesticity. Top tip to all husbands everywhere who want more sex: instead of moaning about the state of the house, clean it. This period of my life is one of glorious sensuality.

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I love my body and so does my husband. Morning sex is my favourite; sadly almost impossible when you have children who get up at 5am and two dogs that bark at a leaf blowing past the door, never mind the creak of a bedspring.

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  • We give it a go, abandoned due to demands for toast. Husband now grumpy. I love long family days; it seems rare that everyone is at home all at once. Spend the day in the garden, paddling pool out, and a big dinner. Am worn out by the time the children are in bed. By the something in an open relationship. Wake up tired from the weekend; on Saturday I hooked up with a barman.

    We went back to his and had filthy sex. I ended up with carpet burns on my knees and back. He was really hot. I slept but then barely spoke to him all day and went to bed in a huff on Sunday night.

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    When he goes to shower this morning I check his phone. The only one that worries me is a message from a week ago. Ben and I have sex in the morning. I feel as though sometimes we use sex to reassure one another. We have all the positions down by now so that we both orgasm quickly. I look over a little guiltily but he seems happy enough.

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    The day is a blur with meetings. Ben says that he has a surprise for me but I end up working late. He does this every so often and I love his spontaneity. The barman messages me. I reply with a wink but nothing else. When Ben first floated the idea I was pretty offended.

    Neither of us want children so why were we holding on to monogamy so tightly?

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    It was a disaster. At one point I went to the bathroom and cried, covering my face with a towel to muffle the sound. I decide to keep him simmering away in case I feel like some fun sex after a night out. I leave work on time but Ben is nowhere to be seen. He works in a creative industry so his hours are irregular. I drink half a bottle of white wine in front of the TV and the thought becomes like a splinter in my mind.

    I think back to that winky emoji from the no-name woman. He finally gets home at around 3am. I ask if they had sex and he says they did.

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    I calm down in the shower. The trick is to talk it through. He apologises and agrees he would have had a better evening with me. Ben tries to have sex with me, but I tell him I need to go. I get home and am happy to see him on the sofa in his trackies. We do separate sports things on a Saturday. I like to run, Ben plays team sports and then we meet at home for lunch. Today we shower together and make love in there. The sex between us is good and we feel in tune again. Ben is going away tonight for a week. I decide tomorrow is a good day to see the barman. Ben left yesterday and I spent the evening messaging the barman.

    I get ready to go to his bar this evening: I put on new underwear — black and lacy and completely impractical. I feel giddy; part of me wants to share this little thrill of excitement with Ben — we share so much, why not this? At the bar, I flirt outrageously as the barman closes up. I forgot how good looking he is and cannot wait to go back to his flat.

    He kisses me as we wait for the taxi — then in the backseat we make out like teenagers. He wants me to stay over but I want my own bed. By the something lesbian new mum. So I was surprised to discover at a dinner party my wife and I hosted tonight, after a few bottles of wine, that Adam and Steve are as bereft of passionate lovemaking as us.

    And we have a one-year-old baby as an excuse. Our son wakes between 4. We are just managing to have sex once a month. I think we are so deep into our roles as mothers that we struggle to shift into the headspace for intimate relations. My wife and I feel neither. My wife bought me a vibrator from upmarket sex shop Coco de Mer in the hope it might reinvigorate our love life.

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    So literally nothing is getting turned on tonight. My wife and I both work part time so we split childcare — neither of us can bring ourselves to leave him with a stranger.

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    • But tonight my sister came for lunch and, when she heard it was our wedding anniversary we had both forgotten until this morning , offered to stay over so we could go to a restaurant. It felt so good to reconnect, just the two of us. Tana By Chana Joffe-Walt.

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